Thursday, July 29, 2010
Saturday it will be exactly 10 years....
I was sending B an email today about it and decided to add the email in here.
I don't talk about her much and I don't talk about the accident or how it has affected me. I try to let the years go by and to live each day as happy as I can be. Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I don't. I cannot believe it has almost been 10 years. It amazes me how much "life" I have lived that she did not have the chance to. So many great and not so great things have happened.
I wish you could have met her.
I realized as I was thinking about her and what Saturday is, that this is his first "anniversary of their death" that he is in the free world. I wonder how he will mourn the loss. I wonder if he will stop by and pay his respects. I know how awful he feels and sorry he is for what happened. I know for him it is a life sentence. For me it just stops me at times. Certain instances make me think "I wish Caroline were here." My life moved forward and while his did too, his still stops and he still has the lingering of knowing what happened and what he caused.
Strange how fast the 10 years went by.
I truly cannot believe it has been 10 years.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
What I enjoyed most is our conversation - I love our conversations. Our conversations are what made us friends and truly every time we just sit and talk it makes me so happy.
They messed up our bill so we got a glass of wine each - on the house...it was a lovely extra treat!
Afterwards we were going to go get ice cream but the ice cream shop locked RIGHT when we pulled up- but he surprised me and we went to Amy's (I didn't know we had an Amy's!) and it was delicious.
All in all - a fabulous date night with the one I love.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
Saturday B and I met my family at the beach. Loved it. I love the beach and seeing my family. Nothing makes my heart happier than seeing B and my brother get along and laugh together. My brother is so important to me, and with B being an only child - he is the only sibling between us- I love my brother and I love that my brother loves B for me. Saturday night we went with some friends to listen to a live blues band. They were really good and B and I got to dance - not that he loved that part- but blues for him, dancing for me...good balance!
Sunday was our lazy day - grocery shopping, going to discovery green to see and play with the sailboats and movie night.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Since B and I got together we have done quite a few of my 101 things together...so we decided to make our own 101 list and let the adventure begin! We are still adding to the list but it has begun!
The start date is July 21, 2010 and has to be completed by April 18, 2013
You can go here to see the list...and of course I will be blogging about it!
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Photos will be added at a later date.
Friday, July 16, 2010
I LOVE Clinique eyeliner- it is perfect! It stays "sharp" and has a smuding end - it is great for travel and it stays put. I own it in several colors and truly LOVE it...besides - when it is bonus time they usually have fantastic bonuses!
Monday, July 12, 2010
B and I headed to DFW area to visit his family this weekend. They are incredibly nice and I also got to meet his grandparents. It was a relaxing fun weekend - way too much food and lots of lounging - much needed! They also have two adorable dogs- Roxy's half brother and half sister. IT was fun seeing them play around and I really enjoy seeing his family.
We spent Sunday evening seeing Baby D and then going out to dinner with my parents and my grandfather. It was a very family friendly weekend. :)
47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing? Whenever I am sick - I hate it!
48. What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love? I only express that I love things often - except for the relationship I am in...it is silly, but I can't help it. I want to say it but I guess in time it will come.
49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that? What i did yesterday- I will remember seeing baby D always for the first time. He is so sweet. Newborns are amazing. I will probably not remember the hand holds and the cuddles from B exactly- but I hope in 5 years I know how they still feel.
50. Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you? I am trying to be more independent and make them for myself.
Friday, July 9, 2010
This is incredibly difficult. I have lived such an amazing life. I have done, seen and explored more than most. I wouldn't ever want to lose the memories of my loved ones that have passed away but the idea of never making new ones saddens me. I believe in living in the present - and sometimes straying into the past- so I will have to say I would rather lose old memories so that I can live in the present. THIS was the most difficult question so far!
27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first? Nope.
28. Has your greatest fear ever come true? It was my greatest fear- then it happened and now I have a different one.
29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now? No I don't and no it doesn't.
30. What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special? Happiest- jumping on the trampoline with the water hose with my brother. It was fun. We laughed like crazy. My parents watched us from the kitchen window. IT reminds me how my life has been. Fun times with my brother and I laughing and our parents so happy to see us so happy.
31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive? Reconnecting with B. Hands down it has been the most amazing time. I don't want it to ever end. I laugh and smile every single day. I am so lucky to have him in my life.
32. If not now, then when? If not now, then never. That's what I think. ;) Patience is not a virtue of mine!
33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose? If I haven't acheieved it I am not done trying!
34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever? Yes. And it was the best conversation ever.
35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars? If we only knew! You have too many people that have such strong convictions that they fight for those convictions and lose sight of what the convictions actually stood for - usually they stand for love and peace. It is sad really.
36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil? In everything- I don't think so. In some things I think it is possible to know.
37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job? One million? No. $20 million. yes.
38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing? More work I enjoy. IF you enjoy it - it isn't work.
39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before? This day? Nope. It is new. It is wonderful.
40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in? huh? No idea about this one.
41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today? My family. The idea of not seeing my parents or my brother after tomorrow is unthinkable to me. They are my rock. I would love to see my godparents, friends etc - but quality time with my parents and my brother would be essential in my moving forward in my life.
42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous? No. I love my life. While I would love to be skinnier - I would rather be alive.
43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living? Alive is merely existing. Truly living is - laughing, playing, enjoying time with others, enjoying alone time, seeing sights and FEELING emotions. I would never want to just be alive.
44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right? Ha. If only I didn't calculate all of the time!!!
45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake? We would rather not make them - you can learn from OTHERS! ;)
17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do?
If I were to answer this a year ago - the answer would be fall in love - unconditional love. But I'm there. So now- I would love to one day get married. I believe in marriage and I believe in everlasting love - it will come - when it is supposed to come and I have no intention of hurrying it along - I am happy and very content in where I am. IF we are talking about something silly - I would say I really really want to go backpacking again for two weeks, somewhere.
18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of? Ha ha. Yes. But I am in the process of letting go. It is an old friendship that brings a lot of pain into my life- I know it is time to say goodbye.
19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
Italy- I love the country, the food (they are VERY gluten free friendly!), the people and overall I love it there. I can't wait to return one day!
20. Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster? No and no.
21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton? Worried genius. I value intelligence.
22. Why are you, you? I believe circumstance, nature and nurture makes everyone who they are. It isn't all genetics, but some it is and it isn't all just environment - I think when you go through something painful (or joyful) it changes you. Life is all about change.
23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend? I think I am better with some than others. Everyone has let a friendship go now and then. Overall - I think I am a great friend. I do surround myself with amazing people and I do value their friendships.
24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you? When they are right near you and you lose touch. It is sad, but sometimes best.
25. What are you most grateful for? My family. Family isn't just the people who are blood related - I call my friends my family as well. I have the best parents I could ever have asked for. I've always felt loved and cared for. My brother is one of my best friends and while we don't always get along my life is infinitely better because of him.
It is Fill in the Blank Friday again over at Lauren's
1. My favorite thing about this week has been : boot camp. It isn't exactly fun- but I love a good workout - even if I can barely move today!
2. The weather this week has been: HOT and rainy. 100% humid.
3. The last (interesting) thing I received in the mail was: My magazines and earrings
4. The last movie I saw was: B and I had movie tickets from Groupon that were going to expire so we went to the Alamo Draft House and watch Knight and Day - predicitable.
5. If I could be doing anything I felt like today I would : sleep in, head to Austin, see my friends and have a date night with B.
6. As a teenager I was : I was pretty well behaved and made good grades- I didn't know how to truly rebel- my parents are thankful of that.
7. I wish I could trade lives for one day with: an actress- I think it would be fun to be on a movie set somewhere fun like Italy.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
The way I express my feelings. Towards most people - I am happy go lucky all of the time. I smile all of the time. Towards my closest people in my life is when I allow myself to cry, be sad, etc. While I am not sad, upset etc for long - I just don't show that side - my "vulnerable" side to everyone, and I am ok with that.
Love. (life, animals, people, your surroundings, your job, your lover). Love your life and EVERYTHING you have been blessed with. Never lose sight of the little things.
Say something. IF it continues just state that I have to leave the conversation as I don't want to partake it in.
To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
I would say that I have worked hard for the things, experiences etc that I wanted. I don't believe I am "in control" of my life - but I am in control of my actions towards others and towards myself. I try to do the right thing and I think doing the right thing does help in life. I believe in do unto others as you would like done unto you. So that's how I live my life.
At this very moment? I wouldn't change anything. In the past I still wouldn't have changed anything. I absolutely love my life. I am doing more, loving more, and living more than I ever have.
Something that involves helping people. I loved working with MADD when I was younger (no I am not a mom, just a huge advocate for not drinking and driving) - one of my best friends was killed by a drunk driver. I would love to work for MADD again- but it is heartbreaking.
I wouldn't mind working at the zoo, an animal shelter etc - but all of those jobs require a little bit of heartbreak.
So maybe....a cook? I like cooking - I would love to REALLY learn how to cook - like take a real course on cooking.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Intolerance. Racism. I see it everywhere. It annoys me. Some people say "reverse" racism - which I think is RIDICULOUS...as racism is racism. You can't have REVERSE racism.
I guess I would also say violence. All kinds.
I cheated - that is 3.
I find myself wondering something similar all of the time. So I did something about it. Sure no one wants to do dishes, clean up clothes, do laundry etc - so I think you find balance. You do somethings that you should do and some things that you WANT to do. Life is all about the balance.
Somedays I feel so much older than I am right now. I am 27. That is not OLD nor is it YOUNG...I am almost 30, approximately 1/3 into my life. There are days when I think I am 18 again and days when I wonder HOW can I act so old! Overall though- I think I am like most single/unmarried 27 year olds. I think I (finally) act my age. If I would have answered this 5 years ago - I would say I acted 30. But now- I am slowly finding the balance being old and being young. I feel that I am at a great place in life.
After reading the questions - I really want to do this...so forgive me if I am boring for a while, but I am going to answer them, slowly but I want to get through all of them.
1. REI sleeping pad - B and I go camping A LOT- this saves my back and makes me wake up not so cranky! ;)
2. Sam Edelman cork sandals. I love them! I live in them!
Friday, July 2, 2010
Today's favorite has to do with makeup...my favorite blush is
NARS in the color orgasm...I just love it. While I wish their names weren't so...ahem anyway...I love the color! :) It makes my cheeks the perfect "flush" color...on days when they are blech!