The post where I say I love my life

I love my life. I wouldn't want it any different right now. I've met up with old friends, made new ones, been on some great dates, good kisses, pretty flowers, new clothes, lost weight, got my hair straightened- I am happy.

Oh- and I reconnected with Brad. Which makes me happy. We are such good friends and I missed his presence in my life. He and I have known each other since we were 11. He knows me better than ANY other person in the world. If you ask him anything about me- he knows the answer. It is nice to know he and I have and always will be there for each other.

Every weekend post A- has been ridiculously awesome. I hope it continues as my life seems to be getting better and better. Business is booming (my salary has more than doubled due to the business booming), I've lost some weight, more as each day goes by (the scale has not one time gone up). This weekend is going to be hard to top last weekend but I am sure we are going to drink it up and break some hearts. I will say I am glad my single friends live in Htown- my best friends are in ATX but they are not single. So this is nice. And- next Wed is a girls night with old sorority sisters that I lost touch with.

I love that I am happy. But I love more that even though I lost touch with so many- I was always such a nice and sweet person that after I said I was sorry for not seeing them when I was with A- they hugged me and loved me. That's what friends are for.

I LOVE MY LIFE.

oh and did someone say MEXICO? because a trip is in the works...all you can drink and all you can eat (who cares about the food?!) and a pool and a beach and hot men ....MMMMM now to lose the last 20lbs prior to going!

#99

Done. Not on purpose but it was done.

S

There are 2 men I haven't written about-because I didn't want to jinx either one. One I had come to our party last night and I think he ended up getting along really well with everyone. He is out of town for the next week and really wanted to see me again before he left town- so he met everyone just to spend time with me. (everyone including my extended family, god parents, my second mother and father and their daughter Bella). It went amazingly well. How could it not really? Lake, drinking games, beer pong, fireworks. Overall just a great day.

New days new beginnings new life

I wish I could express how much things have changed in the past month. In all reality, it was all for the best. I am happier- with myself, with life, and my future than I had been in the past 2 years.

I've lost a significant amount of weight- tightened up in places, just lost some fat and lost 2 pants sizes. Now I have to eat right and workout more. Most of the weight loss came from not eating and not really functioning at all. I've pulled myself out of it.

Life is going really well. I wish I could express how happy I am. I am excited about the possibilities in my life - but mostly I love my family and friends. I couldn't be more loved by them.

This weekend is going to be a blast- starting with Thursday night...actually tonight is going to be great too. A 3rd date with Mr. Sushi. This date should be a lot of fun- as they all have been.

I've been on 3 dates with B and as of tonight 3 dates with Mr. Sushi. Both are true gentlemen and both I think are genuinely interested in me. I get a call from each - every night- and text messages all throughout the day.

Anyway- this weekend has lots of friends, family, alcohol, boating, tanning, and overall just a 3 day long party- nothing could be better! :) Plus my best friend from my childhood and her husband just moved back to Houston...and I love that they are here!!! She and her sister are the sisters I never had. Such a joy that she moved back here.

I love my life.

So B's mom has cancer. She started Chemo today. He told me that she already battled breast cancer and went through Chemo and now it's happening all over again. I cannot imagine the pain he is going through.

Life is precious, short and it just made me step back and evaluate what I want for me.


For me- I just want to smile more every day. Enjoy my life and those that I have close to me.

heavy heart

I have a heavy heart. Haven't cried like this, ever. I wish I could explain.

ballgames

So B and I have a date for Friday or it could be changed for Saturday. He has tickets from work to the Astros game. He called last night and wanted to know if I wanted to go Friday or Saturday. I said Friday. Now I have found out that A will be at that game. So maybe I should call and see if we can go Saturday. I just don't want a chance run-in. I know we would totally ignore each other, but in all reality - I just don't want drama with B. I like him. He's a good guy. I have plans already for Saturday night - so who knows. I hate that I want to reschedule something because of A- but I REALLY don't want that in my life. I guess I need to just lay low with my thoughts for the day and when we talk tonight I can figure it out.

update: screw it. I'm going.

Media and relationships

Everytime I read the news, watch the news etc - there is something about an affair. I just cannot believe that people don't have the decency and love for another human being enough to end their marriage before starting a new thing. A's boss was having and is still probably having an affair. Hearing A tell me that, just made utter disgust run through my veins. I just cannot imagine being married and finding that out.

I mean when A told me he had messed around with someone and that he was sorry - I never looked at him the same way again. I was crushed. I don't think he ever knew to the extent that I was hurt. Still am I suppose. I just never understood why he would do that to me. I still don't see the honest guy that I at one point was in love with. I wish I did. I tried to see him like I did before, but I couldn't. Now- I mean it took him 2 days (so he says, maybe they met before we ended or maybe not, I don't really know) to find a girl he was interested in and wanted to pursue a relationship with. The 2 years we had, the memories and our love didn't matter. It was all flushed down the toilet. There was no going back for him.

I've picked up the shattered pieces to my heart and I am moving forward - but what about my hearts desire? my love? How does love survive the worst kind of betrayal? The truth - it doesn't. The hurt and sadness is always there.

I just wish for myself to one day, not right now, but to one day find someone that will not hurt me like that, because I know the kind of person I am, and I would never ever do something even remotely close to that hurt. When I love someone - I give my heart to them, all of it. There is no one else but them that I would rather be with. Maybe I'm old fashioned, maybe I should have been born in the 1950s, but I am looking for a great love - not right now - right now dating is all I need - but for my life - a great neverending love.