Friday, March 12, 2010

feelings and honesty

So I think B and I are ok. So we had a few bumps and for now we are smooth sailing. I don't know what my future has for me. I know that I care about him and would like for this happiness that he brings to my life to continue but he by no means is the only reason I am so happy.

I was talking to my best friend last night and being brutally honest about my feelings. I tend to be sensitive but not let a lot of people see my true feelings. A really good friend once told me that I smile through all pain- and the thing is...I do. Sometimes I only let myself feel when I am all alone.
At 27 years old I thought my life would be different. Not better or worse, just different. I was always the girl in a long term relationship. I was happy, fun loving, and truly just going through life with a smile on my face. I thought by 27 I would have found the one. I would be settled (at least in the love department) and have my partner to go through life with.
Careerwise I had no idea where I would be. I am sure I didn't think I would be happy and so fulfilled. Most of my friends are either married or engaged and that is a little difficult for me. I know it will happen one day. I am really happy with my life the way it is and when the right person comes along I will be more than happy to let them in my life. I am more than happy for my friends. My friends husband's have been so amazing to me, especially my best friend K's husband. J has known me for the better part of 7 years. He has always said that I don't date quality people. He has sometimes really hurt my feelings but I know it is because he cares and truly wants me to be happy. Between K and J I couldn't have better friends.
Anyway- as K and I were talking she said something that really helped. She said - "all of us struggle with those issues. While I am not struggling with being single I am struggling with the idea that maybe I grew up to fast and settled down too early and stopped going out so much. While I love J and I know he is my match for life, sometimes I think I missed out on the "single" life. Everyone just has to have the balance in their life to know they are doing the best they can. "

It helped me more than she realized.

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