A Weekend breakdown

This past weekend B went hunting and I was home.

I had a breakdown.

I look at my life and I am surrounded by love. I love my life - so please don't take this the wrong way when I say that this past weekend I just broke down.

You see - while there are MANY amazing things happening in my life - there are some unsavory ones.

I was at the 9 month mark of having this all behind me - and then I got the news. It came back.

Like I said - I have so many things to be thankful for and I am a truly optimistic person - but I think I had too much time on my hands this past weekend - and I lost it.

I am just sad that hasn't gone away - and sad really isn't the correct emotion. I am upset, angry, sad and scared. I love my life right now - I ABSOLUTELY LOVE planning my wedding - to my dream guy. I never in a million years could have dreamed the love we have. I never in a million years thought my life could be what it is.

This is the most joyous time in my life - and yet I am fearful. I shouldn't be - but I am.

I go back in January for the next appointment to see if it has progressed or retreated.

So, while most days are about flowers and cakes and pretty dresses - SOME days - I am anxious and scared. 

All of this is part of life - and through all of this - a different kind of love has been shown to me. How B cares and loves for me through my ups and downs - through the great news and the devastating news - the way he loves - it is the way I need to be loved. For this I am the most thankful for during this Thanksgiving.