Wednesday, November 21, 2012

A Weekend breakdown

This past weekend B went hunting and I was home.

I had a breakdown.

I look at my life and I am surrounded by love. I love my life - so please don't take this the wrong way when I say that this past weekend I just broke down.

You see - while there are MANY amazing things happening in my life - there are some unsavory ones.

I was at the 9 month mark of having this all behind me - and then I got the news. It came back.

Like I said - I have so many things to be thankful for and I am a truly optimistic person - but I think I had too much time on my hands this past weekend - and I lost it.

I am just sad that hasn't gone away - and sad really isn't the correct emotion. I am upset, angry, sad and scared. I love my life right now - I ABSOLUTELY LOVE planning my wedding - to my dream guy. I never in a million years could have dreamed the love we have. I never in a million years thought my life could be what it is.

This is the most joyous time in my life - and yet I am fearful. I shouldn't be - but I am.

I go back in January for the next appointment to see if it has progressed or retreated.

So, while most days are about flowers and cakes and pretty dresses - SOME days - I am anxious and scared. 

All of this is part of life - and through all of this - a different kind of love has been shown to me. How B cares and loves for me through my ups and downs - through the great news and the devastating news - the way he loves - it is the way I need to be loved. For this I am the most thankful for during this Thanksgiving.


Stephen said...

That sort of thing on your mind can make ANY holiday season seem like some exquisite form of torture. I don't think anyone will think less of you for breaking down. Hope you're feeling a bit better now.

Happy to pray for you, if you'd like.

Dawn said...

I'm so sorry for your (very understandable) worries. Your optimism, strong family and wonderful fiance will help you to endure whatever the future may bring.

Sending you all my best wishes and prayers for strength and healing. xo