How does someone say Goodbye.

My Uncle passed away on Saturday morning. It was unexpected and heartbreaking to be honest. He has 3 sons - ages 15, 19 and 27. How does one say goodbye to someone they love. I struggle with this. Everyone has ups and downs in life - and I struggle with the feelings of knowing he is in a better place- a happier place.

He taught me a lot of things in life and I just don't truly believe he is gone. As B told me, you won't really feel him being gone until there is something that you need and you say "I'll call my uncle, he'd know". I know he is right about that. We are having a memorial service here in Texas and then this summer, as is tradition in my family, we will all go to Florida and have family time where we laugh and cry and enjoy each other's company and then go to Disney World and be kids again. I love this tradition.

Things I learned from my Uncle -

An Appreciation of music - he bought me my first CD player, Ipod and my first CDs. My mother didn't approve of them, she didn't like that her younger brother bought her daughter a CD that had a few curse words in them, or that I had music blaring from my room.

All cars can be fixed. I don't know how to fix them, but he did. He truly appreciated the beauty in all cars.

To not make life altering mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes but he always told me, to follow what he was saying and not what he did in life because he made some life altering mistakes and he loved me too much for me to follow that route.

He taught me that everyone deserves second chances. People make mistakes, screw up and are truly sorry- just because you make a mistake doesn't mean your heart wasn't in the right place.

Mostly though, I learned that I love my family more than I have words for. I ache more than I thought I would. I am numb at the moment, but that numb feeling is overwhelming. I feel like I am trying to be strong, hold it together and I just know I will break at any given moment. I had no idea how much I truly loved my uncle and I wonder if he knew. I know that he knows now, which is comforting. I just feel so sad.