sad

Back in January 2009 I wrote about something somewhat personal. You can read about it here.

So I've had to go every 6 months to have this checked out...but this time it came back worse and now they will be doing another prodecure as it showed cancerous cells. As my doctor has said, I am very lucky that I don't have any STDs (um thanks? thanks for that Doc!) but apparently STDs (mainly HPV) could make this situation even worse. So that's the highlight I guess- yay no STDs! (not that I was worried at all)-  I guess she was just trying to make me feel like everything could be worse? I'm not sure.

But anyway, later this month I will be seeing the oncologist and have a few other tests done. I was trying to explain my emotions but really the only word I can come up with is sad. I feel like my body is failing me - I didn't do anything wrong and yet this is happening. It just makes me sad. I have been trying to just think of the positives of life, how if it is bad, we caught it quickly, so that is always a good thing. How it could be nothing, but mostly - I just try to not think of it - which is nearly impossible.

Anyway...since I do use this as my "journal"...I just wanted to write it all down. It somehow helps.