Thursday, June 3, 2010

One year

It rained and rained last night and I slept and slept. It was wonderful. Sometimes the rain makes me sleep better, sometimes not. But last night, I passed out.

I went to dinner with the girls, Indian this time. DELISH. While we were out- I realized how different all of our lives are now. In less than a year all of us are different. L is pregnant with a baby girl, V is single...VERY single and very happy single, R is finishing up school and starting to let go of the bs she has held onto and me...I am 180 degrees from where I was a year ago.

Yesterday marked a year since my ex and I split. Like I said - I remember certain dates and the break up, I remember. I remember because that was the day I started to become myself again. It took less than one year to be me.

My fb profile says "One day I made the decision that I have one life so I might as well love it and be happy every single day - so I am. Try it. " and the truth is...I did that. I literally sat down with myself and said - You have one life. You can be sad and hate it or you can be happy and love it. So I am happy every single day of my life. Sure I have my moments- but that is what they are - moments. There is no need to not smile - I have a wonderful life.

And once I was truly happy with my life - everything fell into place. I was working out more (gotta get back on the wagon!), making new friends, reconnecting with old friends and finding out things that I love to do! I traveled, partied, road tripped, danced and sang along the way.

It sounds crazy to say but I've never been more "alive" in my life. I think every other relationship I have been in somewhat made me feel trapped. Whether it was on the phone due to long distance, being with someone who couldn't do all of the things I wanted to do, or someone who never wanted to do things with me, or someone who somewhat thought of me as a person to clean up after them - I never felt that I could be 100% me.

I wish I could go tell every person that is starting to truly date to always be truthful to who you are, find someone who treats you wonderfully and love yourself more than you thought possible. I learned a lot of lessons over the past years - I somewhat joke that should I had just dated B from the beginning when we first went out on our first date I would have saved myself a lot of pain - but even then I know that we probably wouldn't be as great together had it not have been all of the learning experiences we have had. I wouldn't be nearly as much appreciative of all that he does (and he goes beyond anything I could ever imagine).

Everything falls into place. It all starts with being comfortable with who you are...then you are comfortable demanding what you want in life.

I demanded happiness from myself...and I got it - in every aspect of my life. It truly amazes me how one year can change everything.

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