Thursday, May 20, 2010

Pep talk

One of my friends is going through a horrible break up- actually you could say that she was the "other woman" but she never knew she was. She sent her boyfriend of 6 months a text message one evening and his girlfriend responded. She thought they were exclusive- they had that conversation. He told my friend that he didn't know who to choose...what a jerk.

So I formulated a pep talk for her - It is strange how a year can change everything. My life is nothing like it was last year. I am in such a different place- I am in an incredibly loving relationship that I wouldn't trade for anything.

Here is what I said to her:

Do not talk to him. Whenever I wanted to talk to the ex and did it was worse - when I finally said no. I got better - not right away- but better and I rose above all the drama and everything else.

In the end - it didn't matter why he did what he did. I always wanted answers and the thing is the answers would not have made everything else ok. It wouldn't have helped.

It mattered that I was hurt and I needed to feel better.

Here is the thing - you gotta go cold turkey- no weaning. Just say f off, goodbye, good riddance. And it is not easy – you of all people know that last year it was not easy for me.

The day my ex and I broke up last year was one of the best days of my life. I didn't know it then, but I know it now. I know how miserable I was and how much more I deserved.

1 year without him. 1 year and look how much better it is.

The feeling that I got when it was all over was I am better than that. It is very rare that I will say that I am a better person than someone else, but I am better than him. I am a better, nicer, smarter and overall a better human being than him. And to be are better than your ex.

Here is why - There is only one reason that I will say I am better than the ex and you are better than your ex. Because neither you nor I would ever do that to someone. Ever.

It has been an incredible journey. I learned so much about myself. Mostly though- I know I lost me. I love myself. I love that I laugh all the time, I love that I am honest with myself about everything. I love that even though I can whine, complain and be kinda cranky at times, that I am true to me. I don't worry about how I affect others because I know that I bring a good person to the table- so I cannot affect them negatively.

THAT is what I want for you. Of course I want you to fall in love (and you will). I want you to at some point be in a wonderful caring relationship like I am, but truly what I want for you is the power to be yourself again. To stand up for yourself and demand someone to be just as great as you are to them to you. Because honestly- I didn't know that I could demand that- I didn't know it existed.

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