Monday, April 12, 2010

Some call it...

So my blog is sometimes fun and light hearted, sometimes not...but mostly it is just the stuff that is going on in my life and in my head. As most can see I am in a semi-new relationship with one of the most amazing people I've ever known. And yes...before we were dating I thought that about him. So here I am. My life is amazing and I am lucky...blessed...whatever the word may be. But I am so hesitant in the relationship - I've been hurt, lied to, etc before. So I go two steps forward then 1 step back with this relationship.

I don't want to hurt the friendship with the relationship and yet I dont want to hurt the relationship because of the friendship. is a slippery slope but at the same is wonderful. It is 100% wonderful.

So how does one know it is love and not lust?

We've all been there. You are dating then it is exclusive then almost 6 months go by and then is it love or lust or a combination?

I'm at that point. I am at the point where I think I am in love. It has been 6 years since I was in love. 6 years since being with someone that I truly trusted, cared about, wanted nothing but the best for and no matter what happened - his happiness was super important to me.

And in between those 6 years I was in a long term relationship with 2 different people and dated countless amounts of people. In those 6 years I said "I love you" to two different people and the thing is - at the time I meant it. I did love them but I wasn't in love with them. I just wasn't. I wanted it to work - but the thing didn't.

6 years since I saw a life that I truly wanted to have with someone. I have no idea what is intended to happen and the thing is - for the first time ever- I am 100% ok with not knowing. I don't have to read the ending before reading the book. I don't have to question everything...I just have the faith in knowing whatever will happen will happen. There are no red flags, no lies, no daunting questions that I am worried about.

I think...I am in love.

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